I had been bathing my firstborn, Steffi since she was a baby (and the rest of her siblings that followed) and I am proud of it. I thought that it was just the natural thing to do, helping out the wife as well. As she grew older, her long hair got dry and wispy from the frequent swims we went and she would also request that I help her put on hair conditioner so that it would become soft and silky after the wash. But then,suddenly my little one became not so little anymore.
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| How time flies! This is a photo of Steffi and Leroy years back! I asked for Steffi's permission to post this and she said, "huh, embarrassing leh." When she realized that I wasn't asking her to pose like the photo now, she went, "Cheh, ok lah, that one baby photo only." |
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| I still bath the kids now, sometimes individually and sometimes altogether. I asked Steffi if she minded me bathing her and she gave me a reassuring no. |
So I went around asking friends about this and what they felt about me bathing my girls. Some said it was okay (but continued with a disclaimer), some were against the idea while others were simply amazed that dads actually knew how to bath the kids!
What is your take on this matter?
This is a real scenario in my family where my wife and myself have differing views and I would love to hear about your thoughts on it. Leave me your responses as a comment below in this blog post, or you can also leave a comment in this Facebook post.
Go ahead and blast me, or support me with your own views (as well as your spouses') on daddies bathing their daughters, or even mommies bathing their sons for that matter.
Three lucky commenters will each stand to win $50 worth of Nestlé products, so start typing now! Giveaway ends at 2359 hrs on Fri, 25 Sep 2015.
Three lucky commenters will each stand to win $50 worth of Nestlé products, so start typing now! Giveaway ends at 2359 hrs on Fri, 25 Sep 2015.
Hmmmmm to start with, i am not bringing my 3 year old son to the ladies in shopping malls already. He is already aware of his gender difference. My husband and I agree that if we are in public, my responsibility is my daughter and his, the son. If my husband isn't around, I'll bring him to the handicap toilet - gender free.
ReplyDeleteAs for bathing our opposite sex kids, I totally agree that we might have to stop at at one point. When? When the kid shows concern. I've been teaching my son about private parts and sharing with him the importance of not allowing others touch him. Just yesterday, when I was washing his privates, he told me not to. He can do it himself. As long as our children can communicate maturely like this, I'll back off. But sigh, I will surely miss that kind of water-bathing fun next time.
As with regards to father and daughter, my husband felt uncomfortable bathing my daughter even when she was a baby. He is a very hands on father and bathes my son all the time. But when it came to his baby girl, he had some reservations about cleaning her genitals. Well, I told him I needed help so he is doing all his can now to bathe our daughter but one day he will have to stop too :)
Thank you for your comment and I do agree with you that perhaps some dads may be uncomfortable with bathing little girls. ;)
DeleteWell, my elder boy is 6 now and I still occasionally bathe for him when I have the time to. I avoid contact with his private areas but equally teach him how he should wash the area and why he should not allow others to wash the area for him.
ReplyDeleteIn public, we use either the family toilet or he goes to the gents himself.
As for your girl, yes, she is big enough to bathe hersellf. But I dun see any harm for you bathing ur girl, esp if it's a request from her.
I guess I was more "liberal" or easy-going and thought it would be ok but my wife thinks otherwise. :(
DeleteMaybe you can have a talk with your wife and listen to what's on her mind. Maybe she just genuinely feels that you daughter is old enough to bathe herself and nothing more.
DeleteHi Sabrina,
DeleteCan you kindly PM me at my FB page www.facebook.com/theperfectfather with your contact details? Thank you.
Warmest regards,
Steven
Shower benchmark at P1, toilet break benchmark at 3yo or max at 4yo
ReplyDeleteI get my kids to shower themselves at 3yo, so there's no need to encounter this scenario....unless i do my weekly thorough scrub on the kids.
However my 7yo is fine with me showering him weekly.
My kids takes public toilets themselves at 3yo too. My son waits for me at a pre-agreed spot near the entrance; and hes willing to wait (since ladies always long queue all the time) since young.
Another question is....when do we need to separate our kids of different gender during shower? In the past my son and daughter shower together, but as they grow older, they themselves also need to respect each others' privacy, as we need to, towards them.
I will definitely stop when the kiddos feel uncomfortable. :) And yes, I believe your last question is also quite hard to answer, but I do shower them altogether even till now. I always thought that they would tell me otherwise.
DeleteMy son is 3 years old, and I still do bathe him, simply because it's the practical thing to do. My husband travels for work sometimes, and he also works late on occasion. There is no alternative, and I think that if we harp on the issue too much, especially in front of the children, it will make them self-conscious, and make them think that it is wrong. I shudder to think of what will happen if my son refuses to let me bathe him for the entire week that my husband is overseas! Be careful, but also be practical. ;)
ReplyDeleteAs for Steffi, I think if she asks for your help, then go ahead. She won't ask for it much longer, and I'm sure you'll miss that. :)
Thanks Adeline! Yeah, I am also dreading that fateful day.
DeleteGreat post! My husband and I were just having this conversation. My girls are 3 and 4. Showering largely means washing their hair, everything else they have learned to wash themselves. My husband still showers them, and we used to occasionally shower with them until about 3 y.o. I agree with the gender awareness part, when they do ask questions, we answer as a matter of fact. We made it a point to never use "shame shame" about their body, but explain what is appropriate and what isn't. We also taught them the concept of privacy when they started potty training, and they are free to let us know if they would like to have privacy when they are in the bathroom or to shower on their own. But still the questions arise, when should we stop and when should the siblings not shower together?
ReplyDeleteThank you Sharon for sharing your views! And your last question is indeed not easy to answer as well. I still bath them together at times, although it is usually much faster "military" style since they like to play the fool while together! :)
DeleteHi Steven, firstly I would like to applaud you for being such a hands-on father! It is not easy to convince some men to change diapers or bathe babies, so it's rare that you are so reluctant to stop! (Envy your wife!)
ReplyDeleteThat said, I do agree that at some point in time, fathers should stop bathing their daughters, & 7 seems like a good time to stop! At that school-going age they are getting more aware of gender differences & should be made to understand the importance of not allowing others to touch their private parts.
Perhaps during this "weaning off" period, when you bathe her, teach her to clean her private areas herself. Once she's able to bathe herself properly, put your foot down on the issue & let her now that she's a big girl now & daddy cannot bathe her anymore - even when she requests you to do so. It's crucial to be consistent in your words & actions so that she understands the severity of the issue.
Even as a mother to a 6-month-old baby boy, I get quite emotional seeing how fast my little one is growing. I guess as parents what we can do is to be as involved as we can in every stage of their lives, provide love & guidance as best as we can. Inevitably our precious babies will grow up sooner or later so cheers to all parents & let's cherish the times we spend with our kids & create beautiful memories to look back upon!
Thanks for your compliments! I think there are lots of dads out there who are just as hands-on too, if not more! I do agree that I need to stop somehow, somewhat and sometime but should it be now, since my wife had different views? That was what prompted me to write this post. Just points to ponder. No rights or wrongs I guess. :)
DeleteHi Feefyefoefum,
DeleteCan you kindly PM me at my FB page www.facebook.com/theperfectfather with your contact details? Thank you.
Warmest regards,
Steven
I believe it's ultimately up to the parents and their child and what they are comfortable with. If u r just doing it because ur child wants u to then why not? I remember when I was a young girl I crawled into my dad's lap in front of my relatives one day for a snuggle and they commented that I'm a big girl now and shouldn't do tt. Since then I never did but I really missed the snuggling with my daddy. Don't let what other pple say affect ur relationship w ur daughter. When she's done with u helping her bathe she will let u know.
ReplyDeleteI felt kind of emotional after reading about you missing the snuggling. Never knew the impact would be this lasting. I hope my daughters will not miss doing anything with me.
DeleteFirst of all I would say that you are a great dad and not every dad showers for their children. I have 3 girls myself and my hubby used to shower them once in a while when they are still toddlers. I do agree with this gender awareness thingy but I feel that it is ok as long as you educate them. Maybe for now you can wash their hair and tell them that they will have to wash the more private areas themselves. Tell them that the only person who can bath them will be mommy and daddy or themselves. On your part, you have a nice chat with your wife and tell her how you feel and how you will educate your girl while bathing them. Hope this is useful.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jess for your kind words. Actually I do get her to wash the more "sensitive" parts. :)
DeleteI just had this conversation with my wife! I had no problems bathing my son. For my daughter, I feel that I should stop at some point in time. When is the issue. My concerns are the same as your wife.
ReplyDeleteFrom the replies here, I learnt a great idea, which is to teach her to wash her private parts by herself while I do the rest.
Honestly, I brought this up to my wife partly to get out of this particular "duty"! Hahaha!
Oh shoot, my wife is going to read this. :/
Wahaha that's funny! Actually I would ask my daughter to wash herself there while I wash the hair and the back! :)
DeleteSeriously i think it is perfectly fine to bath ur daughters.... unless it's perhaps some pyschopathic daddy! just coach them to wash their own private areas? As a mom i am bathing my sons 3 yr old now....and coaching him to voice out it others touch his private areas.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your views and support! :)
DeleteFor me I have a 3 year old boy and a two year old girl, currently both myself and my hubby help to take turns to bath both of them together, we will probably stop and separate them to bath together when they are about 6 years old as that time they will need to know different gender have to use different toilets and showers. Nevertheless still, boys can still be bath by daddy and girls by mummy till 10 years old before puberty.
ReplyDeleteAha, thanks for your comments! :)
DeleteMy 7 year old bathes himself. I started getting him to bathe himself last year. I usually bathe my 4 year old daughter though Daddy helps once in a while. I don't have a problem with it but I think when she's 6 or 7, she should bathe herself too, and maybe by that age, Daddy shouldn't be doing it. For me, it's more because of the concept of privacy that I think it would be more appropriate that he doesn't do it.
ReplyDeleteRelated to this, I do sometimes get my son to help bathe my daughter, and for that, I've only recently started emphasising that she should wash her own privates and gor gor should not be doing it for her.
I see, that's a pretty responsible boy you have there! :D
DeleteWell being e eldest of my other 3siblings I seen photos of myself n my sis naked in e bathroom even up to the age of 9? Kids nowadays r getting so smart I m pretty sure they r very much aware of e gender differences...so my opinion is...no need to set a time or day to stop bathing ur gals..eventually will cme a day when she (Steffi or Stacci) will jus shout at u when u prepare urself to bathe her..i can sooo foresee her shouting "daddy!! I m big gal le so u I can bathe myself already n u r A BOY sooo u cannot see me bathe....." lolz....jus make urself prepared for tat moment....well..when e time comes n u feel upset tat ur gals have grown up, it'll probably b e time for u to try for another lil' one?? Hee.....
ReplyDeleteYeah, the day would come one fine day and everything would just be sweet memories.
DeleteI have 2 older girls and my husband still helps shower them occasionally! I think a lot depends on the child: my older girl is still quite innocent and doesn't find it awkward so we will just continue. What's funny is that they will shout "shame shame!" When they see the dad without his shirt!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment! :)
DeleteMy husband is very hands on dad like you. So he helps in bathing the kids. He used to bathe together with my eldest two when they were very young. Until about my girl was about 3-4 years old. She started to get curious about my hb's body. So I told my hb to stop bathing together with her. But he still bathed her till about kindergarten I think. I put a stop to it cos I started thinking about how to teach her about protecting her body. So I think having a man to bathe her may not be a good idea.
ReplyDeleteWith my 2 younger girls, I requested him not to bathe together with them right from the start. I have never bathe together with any of my kids. Maybe I'm just the conservative type.
Awww... I used to bath together with all the kiddos too.
DeleteWhen you have 4 kids and no helper sometimes (I have 4 kids n no helper) so far this hasn't cross my mind , so what ever help in helping to shower is much appreciated . My eldest 6 yr old can bathe himself pretty much and my husband stil bath my 4 yr old girl. I don't really think there is much of an issue for now n j hope she wil be able to bathe independently at 6 yr old and some one mentioned bathing together . I do that sometimes to save time and the kids enjoy their bath tub time very very much ... I just hate to take that away from them n it be so odd to wear swimsuit for bubble bath tub time ? But they can't see us as adult bathing ... That's a no no esp after 2 Yr old
ReplyDeleteHi there! Thanks for your comment! I guess there are always different school of thoughts. :)
DeleteI don't totally stop bathing my kid of oppsite gender by age bench mark....I will gradually teach him this he need to do on his own...1st how to was his genital, then body, finally hair. Own genital has to was by their own I start not long after stand showering that about 2. So procedure of shower on own is capable by age 4. But I will keep toilet door open to monitor till age 6. Just in case slip or soap in eyes need help. After that they should by 100% ok. As for bring kids to toilet, it boys a group, gals a group. I only bring my boy to gals toilet when daddy is not around or when we are oversea and he is attending to something important. Even in the toilet, all of us will be in cubical. I rather be safe then sorry, he is still a small boy....if someone prey on him he will not be able to retaliate.
ReplyDeleteI even hear a friend's boy was molested by another man while his father was standing next to him in the men toilet. Lucky daddy reacted fast and chased him away.