Thursday, December 24, 2015

A Christmas Post?

Here's a post, not exactly about Christmas (except for the last sentence) or a Christmas post, but simply a post just written a day before Xmas -
Many friends had commented that they admired my energy and wondered how I was able to bring the kiddos out on weekends (and even weekdays sometimes) despite having a full time job and needing to care after four rambunctious kiddos! I always shrug it off, as I felt it was no big deal as it felt natural for me to do so. As a matter of fact, I myself cannot fathom where exactly my energy came from. But I think I might have an idea, after one particular incident a few nights back.

I remember going to work one day and only realized that it was actually my off day that day. Most people wouldn't gone home to rest, but at that moment I only knew that I would like to spend more time with the kiddos, and hence I brought them out instead. There's hardly any place I would want to go without them, and that was the reason I started blogging, so that I can bring them to all the places that I may otherwise not.

On that same day, my wife needed to work late and I ended up tucking the two girls to sleep while Leroy waited up. All went well and we were actually singing "let it go" from Frozen, and having quite a bit of fun. We were laughing and giggling as we sang together. Steffi claimed she was Elsa and then Stacci wanted to be Anna. Then Steffi said I was Kristoff and I corrected her, telling her I was the King instead, because they were my daughters. But the King had died in the movie.

Steffi suddenly became quiet. She then asked how old I would be when she becomes as old as I am right now. And then she asked when death would find me. I calmly explained to both of them that all of us will die one day, and I wouldn't know for sure when it would be my turn. And although I would love to see them grow up and have families of their own, chances are, I will still go before them. By now Steffi’s eyes starting turning red.

She then asked if we would go to heaven if we died and I assured her that we would, for I just couldn't bear to tell her that I myself didn’t know. She then continued and asked if I would wait for her up there in heaven, and how will I know and how do we meet again when it is so big up there. Placing my palm on her chest, I explained to her that until that day comes when we meet again, I will live forever inside of her, right there in her heart. That started the three of us started crying, with little Stacci bawling and saying that she would miss me so much. This lasted a good 10mins at least, with Steffi tugging my heartstrings with her question, in-between sobs, on why there isn’t anything that could halt aging, so that we can grow old and pass on together. She said she didn’t fear death, but feared losing me. They hugged me the tightest that night, one on each side.

Then it dawned on me that the reason behind me having this great deal of energy is simply because I don’t want to miss a thing, and I fear time or rather the lack of it. I do not wish for time that I can have with the family to just slip by. I want to spend as much time as I have with my loved ones. My family, they are my fuel. I wish everyone a Merry Xmas and give your family the best gift ever, your time.

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