Sunday, July 20, 2014

Ten (Potentially) Digusting Things I did, as a Dad

I had honestly never thought I would do or experience the things I mentioned below, before I became a dad.  I also don't know if some of the following are considered normal or not, but they came naturally to me.  Anything for the kids!

Sniff another person's butt
Before I became a dad, the usual reaction when I smell anything that even smells remotely like SHIT, is to get as far away as possible.  But now, I try to pinpoint which kid the smell comes from, even to the point of sniffing the baby’s backside.  Horror would be if the smell came from someone not wearing diapers!

Dig GOLD from someone’s nose
Digging the nose for booger is something I frown upon, but sometimes I see the kids doing it non-stop at home to the point when I had to step in if they say that it’s stuck.  It's faster for me to do it for them.  There was one incident when I didn’t dare to dig though.  I had noticed a strange smell for a couple of nights when Steffi slept beside me.  When I finally found the source, I was horrified to find what seemed to be a pus-filled left nostril.  We rushed her to the A&E only to find out that it was just a piece of sponge that got covered in REALLY smelly mucus.  She never stuffed anything into her nostrils from then on.
Caught someone’s VOMIT using my hands
I kind of know what to expect after experiencing it a couple before.  Sometimes when my kid is unwell, they will cough a few times and from the sound of the cough, I know that vomit is coming up next.  Knowing is one thing, but when there’s no receptacle nearby to contain the vomit, I had to make use of the next best thing, my cupped hands.  This is simply to reduce the amount of cleaning up following the aftermath.  Now we would try to keep plastic bags or other receptacles nearby in case of any emergencies, when any of the kids are sick.

Handled someone’s SHIT, often with bare hands
I mean, how else would I be able to wash the sticky stuff off my little one’s butts?  Before, I thought the worst I had to do was to handle the SHIT that the bosses throw at me, but handling this type of SHIT never came to my mind.  Although I am man enough to do it, I would try to “siam” sometimes.  Unfortunately having 4 kids around, I also cannot escape for long and I probably have to do it once every alternate day, minimum.
Sucked MUCUS from someone’s nostrils using my OWN mouth
Suck what? You sure or not? Got any dirtier boh?  You may think that the squeaky little plastic thingy you buy to suck out the mucus is good, but wait till you have a screaming baby with THICK mucus and you will realize that the manual method works best.  But try at your own risk, for I ever fell sick the very next day after performing the “dirty deed”.  Must be my own bad immune system, but it beats having to see my baby suffer when I can actually do something about it.

This plastic thingy doesn't offer enough suction power!
Finishing off someone else’s FOOD
No matter how bad it looked, I always feel it’s a terrible waste to see the unfinished food go down the rubbish chute.  With Steffi, I even finished the milk that she couldn’t finish!  Food and milk powder is EXPENSIVE ok?  I don’t do that as much now, for we are much better at estimating food portion and it doesn't help that polishing off uneaten food is not doing good to my own waistline.

Relieving my toddler from impacted STOOL
This is bad, really bad.  I could still recall the screams of my Stacci when she suffered from constipation.  She had wanted to pass motion, only to encounter pain in the toilet.  Upon closer inspection, her stool was right there, and yet cannot be passed out as it was too hard.  Initially all I did was to comfort her, but I couldn’t take it anymore and took (her) matters in my own hands.  Using my fingernails, I try to break it down to smaller pieces and it finally dislodged.  One had to be extremely careful though, for the skin is really delicate around that region.

Getting in contact with URINE
You may think you have the best diaper money could buy, but a simple misalignment could spell disaster.  Well, maybe the word disaster is too serious, but it may cause some slippery situations nevertheless.  There were a couple of times when I felt dampness on my face, and the unmistakable smell of ammonia in the middle of night, only to realize it was Stacci’s urine leakage.  At times during a diaper change, Louie gets really excited too and boy can he shoot!   

Getting someone’s VOMIT in my own mouth
There was one night, over 900 nights ago when Stacci was just a little infant.  I was the one doing the graveyard shift and had just finished feeding her a bottle of milk.  Proceeded to burp her and all went well till I brought her mouth to mine as I had wanted to plant her a kiss.  She vomited milk right into my mouth and even smiled after doing that.  How memorable is that?

Stacci (3mths old) giving me the cute look after vomiting into my mouth!
Smelling someone’s BREATH
Okay, this is purely for fun.  The nice milky baby breath doesn’t last forever and I find myself sniffing a little harder when Louie's face is near mine.  Trying to remember the smell and I enjoy reminiscing the times I had with the earlier three when they were infants.

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